A Moment's Reflection: Taishaku-ten

Disclaimer: RG Veda is the property of CLAMP and Wings Comics. No copyright violation is intended and no profit is being made from it. Please don't sue me for any money, you'd have an easier time getting blood from the proverbial stone.

The throne room is empty. The minstrel has left. The seeress is not in her little tent at the side of the room. My guards are attending to their duties. All the courtiers are in their rooms preparing for tonight's banquet, as is my royal wife and her attendants.

I am alone with my thoughts. And my memories.

As always, my thoughts turn and return to that time, those tumultuous events of a century ago. Of the vow I made. The price I demanded. And the price I paid.

I never was really loyal to the Tentai. I was a good soldier because it was the best way to rise to the respect I so wanted. I was only ever loyal to one person.

Ashura-Oh.

When did I fall in love with him? Was it the first time I saw him? The first time I fought under him? Was it gradual or all at once?

I don't know. But I do know that once I realized that I loved him, no other had any place in my heart or mind. It was he I followed, not the Tentai.

I can still remember how he came to my rooms that afternoon. Still in his court robes from visiting the seeress. How he related the curse that his daughter would become.

The daughter whose existence I have vowed to end.

He told me how he would try to break the curse. How he wasn't sure he could. And so, he wanted a back-up plan - someone to slay her if she should indeed become the bane of Tenkai. And he wanted that someone to be me.

I felt so jealous as he told me his fears. I loved him so and he loved this unborn daughter of his so much. Enough to fly full in the face of Heaven for her.

I am still jealous of Ashura, pent-up in the kekkai that holds her suspended in time, that I pray will hold forever. Her father's love, for all that I would never desire Ashura-Oh to feel paternal love for me, is something I longed for, so much, and for so long. She has it simply by existing, and had it minutes after she began to exist.

And so he planned it all.

The conspiracy.

The coup.

Even that duel between he and I.

"I will not do this for nothing," I warned him. "I will not break all my vows and take on a throne I have no desire for with no reward."

"Name it," he replied.

"You," I said. I still don't know how I gained the courage, to finally say what I truly wanted.  And so touched Heaven and condemned myself to Hell.

On reflection, I don't think I thought he'd accept the bargain. Perhaps it was my way of trying to stop him from going down this road. For I knew, if he started, I would follow.

I would follow him to Hell.

That is, if I hadn't already.

But he did accept my bargain. Our affair started that night, and continued until his death.

It still continues, in my dreams.

He orchestrated my affair with Shashi. His own wife. And, thus, I have a son. Tenn-Oh. A good son. I don't see that much of him, but the reports are good. He spends his time learning, the arts of scholarship and the arts of war. I don't suppose there is much else a crown prince, who does not wish to usurp his father's throne, can do. It appears that lack of royal ambition is hereditary. But he will be a good Tentai. As I never was nor will ever be.

A page comes to the door.

"Majesty, perhaps you would care to prepare for the banquet?"

"One moment."

I will never forget Ashura-Oh. I loved him, and I killed him. At his request, but my hand held the sword.

I held him in my arms at night, loving him - and being loved by him. I do not know if I managed to touch his heart as he did mine. I like to think I did.

The High Gods placed the third eye on my brow as punishment for assisting Ashura-Oh in his scheme to thwart their schemes, a symbol that my soul was condemned to Hell.

They needn't have bothered.

I murdered the man I love.

I live in Hell.