Reflections on a Staircase

Shoujo Kakumei Utena is copyright BePapas, Chiho Saitou, Ikuhara Kunihiko, Shogakukan, Viz Communications and animevillage.com. All rights remain theirs, and I have no claim to anything.

It's over, for now. Lady Utena and I descend the stairs that lead from the Arena to Ohtori.

Of course, I could cause us simply to descend to the ground, but that's not in my Anshi persona. Besides, it would freak Lady Utena out, and after what just happened in the Arena with Miss Juri, I think she's weirded out enough already.

I wonder if this is compassion. I suppose it could be; or mercy? It's been so long since I've felt anything for anyone. That's one of the aspects of this system. I would be taken, regardless, so it didn't matter how I felt.

And most of the mortal Princes were too blind to see, anyway.

Most mortal and one immortal.

My brother is a fool.

It hurts to say it. Lady Utena and the other Duelists don't understand how I can be patient with Nanami, after all her tricks and ploys, but they don't understand that we are the same, she and I. We both have older brothers who mean (or meant, in my case) the world to us. Brothers whose approval and affection is the only justification we need for anything.

Brothers who don't deserve us....

I like the progression down these stairs. A small pleasure, to have the leisurely slipping-on of the mask and the gentle stripping of the aura of reality. Small pleasures are all I get, so I make the most of them. Such as watching Lady Utena squirm as I call her 'Lady'. What, you thought I was really dense enough to miss how she hates it?

Ironic, then, that she comes the closest to achieving the Power.

I wonder why Akio selected her? She isn't what you'd call the usual type. But then, none of his usual type have succeeded. So she may be an attempt to change the losing pattern.

She won't win through as she is now. She might - she has the potential - but then, Upperclassman Saiyonji had the potential too.

The problem with finding someone with the true heart of a Prince to open the door and obtain the Power of Dios is that if a person has the true heart of a Prince, they already have the Power. The only thing that will happen when the door is opened is that I will finally be free.

What is the Power of Dios?

To revolutionize the world.

None of them ever ask "Which world?"

I still don't know what I was thinking when I did it. It was nine parts desperation, two parts ignorance and a healthy dash of fear. I wish I could say that this lack of resourcefulness under pressure was a magical trait, but it isn't. It is, however, entirely human. One of the few such traits I have left.

It seemed so logical at the time - take those qualities which made my brother a Prince rather than an ordinary man, seal them away, and make it so only another Prince could unlock the seal. This would ensure that there were two Princes in the land and so neither my brother nor the new Prince would ever come to that pass of desperation again.

I never thought that a Prince might not come at all.

Making a Prince is harder than it seems. The material is promising but flawed.

It's just yet another example of how foolish this whole thing is. Any ordinary man can become a Prince; the seeds lie within all of humanity. And some do, by conquering their baser selves.

But those who vie for the Power of Dios do so for their own selves. Princehood is not gained by the presentation of a glittering prize. It is kindness, consideration, compassion, mercy, honesty, fidelity and all the other virtues. It cannot be won, it must well up from within one's own heart. One must conquer one's own baser self. One must have the courage to face the world as it is, the clarity to see it as it is, the serenity to accept it as it is, and the strength to go out and try to make a difference.

Utena might make it.

We step down off the last step and through the gate. We are back, here in my little soap-bubble of a world. Mine, mine, mine. Win through, somebody; win the Power that you will have utterly no need for, that my brother has become too corrupt to regain. Win me my freedom, so I can leave and rejoin the real world.

Please.

Author's Notes:

I have chosen to use 'Anshi' rather than 'Anthy' in this fic because, after listening to the series and movie, I think that's what her name is. Certain of the characters have no trouble with the 'th' sound in other words, but they all pronounce Anshi's name with a distinct 'sh' sound.