My Quotes Page

I love pithy sayings. The one liner is, in my opinion, the best joke, because it must be delivered with timing, be appropriate to the subject at hand and hold an element of truth (or it just isn't funny).
    I've divided this page into two parts: attributable sayings (or, I know where they come from) and mottoes (or, no, I don't, but I still like them).

If you have the time to whine and complain about something, then you have the time to do something about it.
    - A. J. D'Angelo

The length of life is less important than its depth.
    - Anonymous

People would rather be right than reasonable.
    - Ogden Nash

I love mankind - it's people I can't stand.
    - Charles M. Schultz

I've always been interested in people, but I've never liked them.
    - Somerset Maugham

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
    - Jean-Paul Sartre

Some people think they are in tune with the infinite when they are only out of tune with the definite.
    - W. G. P.

There's not much point in spinning a yarn if your audience keeps losing the thread.
    - P. K. Shaw

Business is a combination of war and sport.
    - Andre Maurois

The first law of ecology is that everything is related to everything else.
    - Barry Commoner

No-one has skin that is exactly the same colour as a Band-Aid.
    - Anonymous

I haven't heard of anybody who wants to stop living on account of the cost.
    - Kin Hubbard

Middle age is when you realize that you'll never live long enough to try all the recipes you spent thirty years clipping out of newspapers and magazines.
    - Bill Vaughan

Nobody ever forgets where he buried a hatchet.
    - Kin Hubbard

There are two types of people in the world: those who want to break in, and those who want to break out.
    - P. K. Shaw

No-one is ever too old to know better.
    - Margaret Preston

Leave undone whatever you hesitate to do.
    - Yoshida Kenko

A sense of humour is a sense of proportion.
    - Kahlil Gibran

One good thing about lovers is that they don't take up much room on public transport.
    - P. K. Shaw

I don't make jokes - I just watch the government and report the facts.
    - Will Rogers

Laugh and the world laughs with you; snore and you sleep alone.
    - Anthony Burgess

The darkness of the soul is not lighted by moving the body to another place.
    - Eastern proverb

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
    - Saki

Life is rather like a tin of sardines - we're all of us looking for the key.
    - Alan Bennett

Don't wait for a light to appear at the end of the tunnel; stride down there... and light the bloody thing yourself!
    - Sara Henderson

Never buy a thing you don't want simply because it is dear.
    - Oscar Wilde

When a neighbour is in your fruit garden, inattention is always the truest politeness.
    - Chinese proverb

Having a backbone is admirable - but don't forget your neck sticks out one end.
    - W. G. P.

So few people admit to a belief in astrology, but I'm yet to meet anyone who doesn't know their star sign.
    - P. K. Shaw

It is not possible to shake hands properly with a clenched fist.
    - W. G. P.

There are no uninteresting things, only uninterested people.
    - G. K. Chesterton

He who is afraid to use an "I" in his writing will never make a good writer.
    - Lin Yutang

Intelligent people are always on the unpopular side of anything.
    - Kin Hubbard

Brandy and water spoils two good things.
    - Charles Lamb

A joke, taken seriously, is no joke.
    - P. K. Shaw

The simplest way to learn speed reading is to get an unexpected letter from the taxation office.
    - The Cockle Bur

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
    - H. G. Wells

Lipstick adds colour to a very old pastime.
    - W. G. P.

Music produces a kind of pleasure which human nature cannot do without.
    - Confucius

All creatures have a sense of territory - except children.
    - P. K. Shaw

Life is like playing a violin in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
    - Samuel Butler

No needle is sharp at both ends.
    - Chinese proverb

One way a man can really upset his wife is to give her a present for no reason at all.
    - W. G. P.

To know where a thing is we must have found it.
    - Goethe

Lead me not into temptation. I can find the way myself.
    - Rita Mae Brown

Everyone is a philosopher. Some people just get paid.
    - Raye Johnsen