Eyes

    Ranma 1/2 is copyright Takahashi Rumiko, Shokakukan, Kitty Film, and Viz Communications. All rights remain theirs.
    This is a work of yaoi fiction. In other words, it features a homosexual couple. If this is illegal in your place of residence, you are under the legal age for reading this sort of material, or you dislike this sort of thing, please hit your 'back' key NOW. I will not be responsible for you getting arrested, getting in trouble or getting icky thoughts.

I still can't believe it happened. It was incredible. Awful. What a way to have your dreams come true, huh?

I guess I should explain a little.

I've been in love with Hibiki Ryouga since eighth grade. He was the only guy I ever met who was anything like me. Tough, quiet, skilled... and vulnerable. Not that I ever said so. I kinda liked living.

Back then, I didn't get why I loved to go to school, swinging by his place to pick him up (did I mention he has a little problem with directions?) and cheerfully sparring on the way to school. I thought (young idiot that I was) that it was that we were finally settled in a single place, and that I finally had made a friend that Pops approved of. He liked Ryouga, ever since the day he came across us sparring. Not that he taught him anything, though.

I didn't get why he kept the cats away. I never told him how they'd come to get me in my dreams, because they didn't when he was around. I've done a bit of reading since the accident, about psychology 'n' stuff, and I think that the cats are kinda like my fears and insecurities and stuff like that. Around him, I wasn't scared of anything, 'cause he was my friend, so they couldn't come.

I guess that's why I was so shattered when it all ended. His angry face ripped my heart apart. Not that I knew that at the time - all I knew was that my friend was gone.

He was a major part of why I hated Akane. Yeah, she was nice enough - when she wasn't pissed off at me about something - but when he smiled at her, that sweet smile that he never smiled at me.... And Pops said I had to be with her....

Somehow, though, as time went on, as we went through things together, it started to come back. He'd changed - he wasn't as open, but somehow even yet more vulnerable - and so had I, as well. We'd grown up. The halcyon days of childhood were over. It was as men that we came to rebuild our friendship.

Until that day....

"SAOTOME RANMA, PREPARE TO DIE!!"

I stepped to one side, and let him charge past me. "Hey, Ryouga. Long time no see."

"Thanks to you, Saotome, I have seen HELL!"

Same old, same old, yadda yadda yadda. Would've thought we'd get sick of it, right?

Hell no. Not so long as it was my only chance to see him in action. Watching his muscles bunch as he swung, watching that adorable rear wiggle and that face dance with mobile expressions - mm-hmm!

Of course, I couldn't let any fiancee catch me with that look on my face. An all-expenses-paid trip via Air Akane would've been the least of my worries. Although I'm almost certain Cologne knew of my feelings - she had to have a reason to keep Mousse around, after all, because he annoyed her quite often, and she wasn't the sort to keep annoyances around if she didn't have to.

Today, though, it was just he and I. On a quiet street, in the middle of Nerima, in the middle of the day. I pulled back away from his rush, and laid a light blow on his shoulder. "Whatever, P-Chan." God, he had no idea of the confused feelings that swirled through me when I saw that oh-so-cute piglet peeping out from Akane's arms.

After all, we had such a history ourselves - tangled as a spiderweb torn by too-large a prey - but we couldn't agree about anything anymore, not where to go or even where we'd been. Even though such a peaceful picture was all I longed for....

He swung around and charged again, I leapt out of the way again, the delivery truck that had been delayed and was making a late delivery to the local electronics store turned into the street at speed....

Ryouga never had a chance to get out of the way.

The doctors at Nerima General were very sympathetic to the group of teenagers that gathered in the waiting room.

No, Mr. Hibiki was not in danger. His injuries weren't life-threatening. No, Mr. Hibiki's family weren't able to be contacted; did any of us know where they were? No, they'd rather discuss the matter with them first....

And so it went. I had to leave the hospital, with only the knowledge that Ryouga would live.

I sat up, panting. Closing my eyes against the night, I remembered that the nightmare was reality; the horrified expression on the truck-driver's face, the sickening crunch when the front grille of the truck hit his ribs, the shriek of pain as he flew through the air....

Stop it. It's over, I told myself. But I needed to see for myself.

I slipped quietly out of the house, and roofhopped my way to the hospital. The night-nurse looked at me oddly as I asked for his room number, but she was just going off-duty and didn't ask too many questions, once I'd sworn blind I would behave myself and not get in anybody's way. Maybe she was being sympathetic, maybe she didn't want to think of Ryouga alone in his hospital room, or maybe she just didn't care. I didn't either, so long as I got to be with him.

He lay in the bed, his tanned flesh dark and somehow living and inappropriate against the sheets. He was unconscious, and a white bandage encircled his brow, his left arm, and his right shoulder. I couldn't see the rest of his body.

I pulled up the chair, so that as I sat in it, I could cross my arms on the bed. Leaning my head on my arms, I turned my face up to his. And that's how I fell asleep.

I woke when Ryouga kicked me.

It wasn't deliberate or anything - he was in the process of waking, and his feet were wriggling. A particularly energetic wriggle fetched his toes against my cheek, and the shock woke me.

He blinked, and stared blankly at the ceiling.

"Hey, Ryouga," I said cheerfully.

Those beautiful, blank brown eyes swiveled towards me. "Um, who's Ryouga? Who are you? Why's it so dark in here?" Then his voice began to rise in panic. "Where's here? Who am I? What's going on? Please?"

I stepped back in shock. "Nurse?" My voice wavered. "NURSE!"

A nurse came in, took one look at Ryouga, and hit a keypad beside the bed. A bunch more nurses and a couple of doctors came running in. They pushed me out of the way, but I wouldn't leave the room. I couldn't.

The litany began in my thoughts as I watched the doctors and nurses begin to fuss over him. 'Who's Ryouga?' 'Where's here?' 'Who am I?' 'Who are you?' 'Why's it so dark in here?' 'What's going on?' 'Where's here?' 'Who am I?' 'Who's Ryouga?' 'Who are you?'

My best friend lay in that hospital bed, and he couldn't even remember my name.

Over the next three hours, some things became clear.

Ryouga was blind and amnesiac. He could not see. According to the doctors, he would never see again.

His memory, on the other hand, wasn't permanently fried. He would remember me, in time. Just... not now.

But he would never see again.

Japan is not a kind land to those who are imperfect. Our society is geared to the warrior, to the fighter, to the normal. Not the crippled.

Ryouga would never fight with me again.

I ran from the hospital. I couldn't stay. Ryouga was crippled. Ryouga would never be a warrior again. Ryouga would never be a person again. And it was all my fault.

It was all my fault.

"Ranma!"

"Yes, Kasumi?" I asked, absent-mindedly slamming the panda into the pond. Early morning scrimmage aside, it was peaceful.

Too peaceful.

Ryouga....

"I wish to speak to you privately." Kasumi was frowning. It must be serious. What did she want? Had she learnt that a crippler was living in her house? I couldn't even kill cleanly, and the man I loved lay in a hospital bed, dying by degrees, because I couldn't even do the damn thing properly....

"Ranma?" Kasumi looked at me seriously. "Dr. Toufuu tells me that you were there when Ryouga first recovered consciousness."

"Yeah," I replied. "I was."

"He's been asking for you."

I stared at her in shock.

"Of course," Kasumi continued, "he doesn't yet remember you, as you. But he has been asking about 'the guy who was there when I woke up'. I believe you should visit him."

I nodded, in a daze. "Yeah," I agreed quietly.

So I stood outside the door again.

Ryouga....

I hadn't stayed to meet him in that final duel when we were fourteen.

I hadn't understood his pain that made him take refuge in Akane's arms.

I hadn't pushed him out of the way of the truck.

I had failed him so many times... too many times.

Not this time.

I pushed open the door and went in.

"Hey."

"Hey, Ryouga," I said. I couldn't keep the shake out of my voice. "How are ya, buddy?"

He didn't respond to the greeting - or rather, not the way I thought he would. "Am I?" he asked, seriously.

"Are ya what?"

"Your buddy." He was frowning as he said it. "You haven't been to see me since I woke up."

I glanced down. He couldn't see my face. Would never see it again.

"Yes," I said calmly. "I am. I ain't always acted like it - in fact, I've been a prime jackass a lot of the time, as you'll remember. This past week, I shoulda been here. But you're my best bud, an' when they let you outta here, you're - you're gonna stay with me."

I honestly don't know why I said that, but when I did, I knew immediately that it was the right thing to do. The right thing to say. Duty.

He nodded calmly. "Okay." Then he cocked his head to one side. "Your voice sounds kinda hoarse. Want a drink?"

"Sure," I said, and watched as he got up out of the bed, pulled on a white yukata over striped pajamas, and effortlessly walked over to the door.

"You... you know where the door is," I said, without disguising the wonder in my voice.

Ryouga shrugged. "If there's nothing else to listen to, it's easy to hear where people are. Their footsteps, breathing, heartbeats... why is your heart beating so fast... I'm sorry, I don't remember your name?"

"Ranma, I'm Ranma," I muttered, using the reply to cover my shock. Ryouga had lost his sight and gained a sense of direction.

What a poor bargain!

As I followed him out the door, I smiled at the image that occurred to me. Of myself and Ryouga, walking along like this, friends, but at Mr. Tendo's and Pop's age.

I liked it. But what I liked more was that he was here and alive to fulfil it. I was going to make sure he stayed that way.

Author's Notes:

1) I know it's generally accepted that Ranma is not the brightest light on the Ginza, but I personally believe he must be very intelligent. High school in Japan is optional, and students must pass an entrance exam to be considered for entry. This exam is NEVER easy (although there are varying degrees of difficulty) and it is entirely possible for a student to simply be unable to pass ANY high school's entry exam. Ranma has had very little formal schooling, yet he managed to pass Furinkan High's entry exam.

2) Technically, I know that the (purposefully vague) description of Ryouga's injury would not have had this effect; the only real things that can interfere with vision are a physical problem with the eyeball, severing of the optical nerve, physical injury to the 'vision' portion of the brain, or a psychosomatic 'refusal' to accept that the physical components of vision are intact and working. The blow to the head Ryouga suffers could very well cause temporary loss of sight, but permanent loss is very unlikely.
    I ask that readers suspend their disbelief and accept this scenario anyway; or, if you can't, just say a spike of truck grille pierced Ryouga's skull, entered the 'vision' area of his brain and caused permanent damage.

3) It's hard to write levels of politeness in English! There's just... too much contained in the phrasing to translate easily. If I may explain?
    There are, to my (limited, remember that) knowledge, at least six ways of saying 'you' in Japanese. Each one has its own connotations far beyond the meaning. For example, one would never say 'kisama', 'anata', 'kimi' and 'temee' to the same person (unless one was subject to MASSIVE mood swings), although all these words, shorn of connotations, mean the same thing: 'you'. They mean 'you' at different levels of politeness. But how does one say, 'You, who are so low in comparison to me that you offend me simply by being in my range of vision,' in English?
    One doesn't, of course, but it is for that reason I have written in English slang; it is the closest I can come in English to the Japanese 'levels of politeness'.

4) 'Duty', as described in this fic, is 'giri'. Yet another uniquely Japanese concept, and the reason why Ranma can't tell any of his fiancees to stuff it and run off with Ryouga, why Ukyou can't tell Ranma that Konatsu is way better than he is in every way and marry the guy/girl and why Akane can't just go seduce Shampoo and have done with it.
    'Giri' is probably best translated as 'duty' because that is what it usually is interpreted as; the duty of the child to accept the obligations thrust upon them, usually by their elders but sometimes (as in this case) by themselves.
    The reason why Ranma always accepts giri is simple; refusing giri means an incredible drop in personal honour, if not its outright loss. Furthermore, honour lost through refusal of giri is irretrievable. As his honour is very important to Ranma, he will not countenance any action that would injure it, much less one that would destroy it.

A Different Point Of View
Pet Shop Boys (Tennant/Lowe)
Published by EMI 10 Music Ltd/Cage Music Ltd

When I'm sitting so close to you
There's only one thing that I wanna do
But I know what you're likely to say
That I'm going about it the wrong way

We can't agree about anything
Where to go or even where we've been
And I know what you're likely to do
Say that I've never cared about you

And all I wanted to say was that I love you
But you tell me now you don't believe it's true
You got a different, a different
A different point of view
You got a different
Point of view

You don't believe a single word I say
If I'd say black was white, you'd say it was grey
But in spite of being treated this way
I still dream of you all night and day

And all I wanted to say was that I love you
But you tell me now you don't believe it's true
You got a different, a different
A different point of view
You got a different
Point of view

Just this once
Just say yes
Please

You've got a clever way of haunting me
I'm never scared, but you're still daunting me
'Cause I know what you're likely to say
And I know that you'll get your own way

And all I wanted to say was that I love you
But you tell me now you don't believe it's true
You got a different, a different
A different point of view
You got a different
Point of view
You got a different, a different
A different point of view
You got a different
Point of view